For families

How to protect an aging parent from scams

They protected us. Now we protect them. If you are worried about a parent and unsure where to start, you are in good company, and the first steps are smaller than you might think. This page covers the conversation, the protections worth setting up together, and what to do if something is already going on.

Three things to do this month

1. Agree on a family code word. A word only your family knows. Anyone who calls claiming to be a grandchild in trouble has to say it. Voice cloning makes this the single most useful habit a family can have.

2. Agree on "hang up and call back." When a call, text, or email asks for money or a password, your parent hangs up and calls the person or the bank back on a number they already have. Every real bank, agency, and grandchild will understand.

3. Ask to be a trusted contact. Banks and investment firms let an account holder name someone they can call if they see something unusual. The trusted contact sees no balances and can move no money. It only gives the bank a person to call.

How to bring it up

The goal of the first conversation is to make the next one easy. Most parents respond better to being asked for help than to being given advice.

Openers that tend to go well
  1. Start from the news. "I read that scammers are cloning people's voices now. Has anything strange come in for you lately?"
  2. Start from yourself. "I almost clicked a fake bank text last week. Can we set up a plan so we both double-check before we pay anything?"
  3. Ask for their help. "Will you be my backup if I ever get a call that I'm in trouble? Let's pick a code word."
  4. Keep it short. One idea per conversation is plenty. You can come back to it next Sunday.
If your parent says "I'm not stupid"
  1. Agree with them, because it is true. Scammers work in teams, with scripts and practice, and they catch doctors, lawyers, and bankers every day.
  2. Say why you are asking: you love them, and the scams have changed fast in the last two years.
  3. Make it mutual. Pick the code word together and promise to use it yourself.
  4. Let it rest if it is going badly. A calm second try a week later works better than winning the first one.
Bringing in siblings without an ambush
  1. Agree among yourselves first on one or two asks, and on who leads the conversation.
  2. Have one person raise it, one on one. A group conversation can feel like an intervention.
  3. Share what was agreed afterward, so your parent is not asked the same thing three times.

Protections to set up together

Each of these keeps your parent in charge of their own money and adds a second set of eyes. Do them side by side, at their pace.

Account alerts
  1. In the bank's app or website, turn on text or email alerts for withdrawals, transfers, and card charges over an amount your parent chooses.
  2. If your parent agrees, add your own phone or email as a second recipient for the larger alerts.
A credit freeze
  1. A freeze stops anyone from opening a new account in your parent's name. It is free, does not affect their credit score, and can be lifted whenever they need it.
  2. It takes a call or a website visit to each of the three bureaus: Equifax (1-888-298-0045), Experian (1-888-397-3742), and TransUnion (1-888-909-8872).
Calls and texts
  1. Turn on the phone's built-in call screening or "silence unknown callers," and ask the carrier about its free scam-blocking service.
  2. Register the number at donotcall.gov. Scammers ignore it, which makes any sales call that gets through a little more suspicious.
Power of attorney and planning ahead
  1. A durable financial power of attorney names someone your parent trusts to act for them if they cannot. It is best set up while everyone is well and nothing is urgent.
  2. Choose the agent carefully, and consider requiring regular statements or naming two people. Most financial exploitation of older adults is by someone they know.
  3. An elder law attorney can draft it for your parent's state. The National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys lists members at naela.org.
Practice, before it is real
  1. Look at a few real examples together. Our guides to 30 common scams each show what the first message sounds like.
  2. Fill in the one-page action plan together and keep it by the phone.
  3. When something odd arrives, paste it into the Scam Checker. It is free and private.

If you think it is happening now

Signs worth asking about

A new online friend or romance they are guarded about. Talk of a prize, a refund, or an investment that pays fast. Requests to buy gift cards, withdraw cash, send a wire, or use a Bitcoin ATM. Someone who calls often and tells them to keep it secret. Unusual withdrawals or new accounts.

Ask with curiosity: "Tell me about this, it sounds interesting." Scammers coach people to hide things from family, so a parent who feels judged is likely to stop telling you. Then call the bank together, using the number on the back of the card.

Money has already left
Start with If you were scammed. The steps depend on how the money was paid, and the first call goes to the bank.
Your parent is 60 or older and wants to talk to a person
The National Elder Fraud Hotline, run by the U.S. Department of Justice: 1-833-372-8311. Case managers help with reporting and next steps.
Someone they know is taking money
Adult Protective Services in your parent's state. Find the office and other local contacts on your state's page.

If your parent has been scammed, how you respond shapes whether they tell you next time. Lead with relief that they told you. Scammers are professionals, losses are common at every age and income, and shame keeps most of them unreported. Your parent's next good decision is far more likely if the last conversation felt safe.

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